Because I believe everything I read on the internet...

ETA: Disclaimer - some of this is harsh.  You may or may not agree with everything I have written.  This is about improving myself.  The first step to fixing a problem is admitting the problem.   I have a lot of things that are broken...

Today, I was cruising around the world wide web.  I found a couple of articles on Yahoo! that really summed me up.  The first one was 5 habits holding you back....um....yeah, so of the five bad habits listed I have 3 of them and 1/2 of two of them.  Here is the article:  http://shine.yahoo.com/event/poweryourfuture/5-habits-holding-you-back-and-how-to-change-them-2515577/

The first one is - I procrastinate.  I have been called out on this by one (perhaps more) of my college professors.  She knew the reason, too.  This article called out the same reason.  Perfectionism.  I am afraid my work is not going to be good enough.  I fear that I won't live up to someones expectations.  Worse yet, I have myself convinced that I work better under pressure.  Looking at my reflection in the mirror I know that is not true.  The stress and pressure have added to my waistline.  Seriously, how much of this can I blame on my back to back pregnancies and lack of time to eat right and exercise? Buehler?  Buehler?  Anyone?

The second one is I shop myself into bankruptcy.  This is only partly true.  I am guilty of rewarding myself when we don't necessarily of the the funds to do so.  I make small purchases and justify it as a reward (I worked hard and deserve it) and $5 here or $10 here really add up when you look at your budget holistically for a year.

Third, I binge when I see the goal in site.  I binged so much I gained 5 more pounds than I lost.  I think the author is onto something about being paranoid (paranoid is my take on what the author is trying to communicate) about what others think of me.  Are they jealous of my success, do they seriously think I look good, I am still fat, along with a lot of other really negative self talk. 

Fourth, I am habitually late.  This one really burns me.  Out of all of my flaws this one gets to me the worst.  Yes, I blame my tardiness on my chaotic lifestyle.  Two preschoolers, full time job, insomnia, blah, blah, blah.  Do you want to hear my other excuses?  You probably have already heard it, if you know me.

Lastly, I pick fights with my partner.  I count this as half true.  I think my hubs is just as guilty of this as I am.  I have to laugh that they call out being afraid of commitment.  Yes, I am married and afraid of commitment.  My husband is fully aware of this too.

I know I have PLENTY of room for self improvement.  What can I do to get over these bad habits?  (que the crickets chirping)  (Just kidding about the crickets).  The article did offer some good insight.  And, because I believe everything I read on the internet I will try some of these.  Hopefully, I can get over my anxieties and fears to be a better person.  Here are things I will try to get over myself...

1. Visualize the worst case scenario when I catch myself procrastinating.  By realizing that the worst case scenario will most likely never happen and things can be worse than they actually are, I will stomp out the fear of letting some one down.  BTW, I am more afraid of letting some one else down rather than myself.

2. Partake in healthy activities like exercise or doing something with the stuff I already have.  Assess what I have and consider if I really need anything else.  You know, I bet it would feel amazing to get rid of some of the stuff in the garage that has been in boxes since, um, for a very long time.  I know the work isn't appealing, but it does need to get done.  I know this is a big digression - but have you heard of the book, "Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat?"  Well I am sure this clutter is attributing to my weight struggle.

3. Hello April!  I love you.  You are amazing.  Live your healthy life, and give a rats patutie what others think of you.  You know you do awesome things.  Besides you are the best mommy ever.  Ask Meadow and Lily - they will tell you.  Love, April  XOXOXO

4. I am just going to copy and paste this directly, because I can't say it better myself (now praying that I don't get fired, but it is the truth)  "Make up your mind. Be clear about what you want. "If it's a career issue, ask yourself if your interest in your job is waning," says Kathryn Cramer, PhD, author of Change the Way You See Everything Through Asset-Based Thinking. "Being late is a way of disconnecting. This can be a warning that it's time to take stock and either recommit yourself or make a change." Bonus hint: Be proactive and adjust your actions or attitude rather than wait to get canned. You're always better off controlling events instead of waiting for them to control you."  This is going to take some work and a lot of effort on my part.  Why, because I have a great manager.  I don't want to let her down (see #1), but I need more out of my job.  I am afraid to have this conversation with her, but I do have my review coming up...

5. This hints at having unhealthy relationships or expectations in the relationship along with fearing that my partner may see me as a phony.  The truth is that I have changed since having children.  Slowly the April he met and fell in love with is coming back.  We all need to be patient here.  A run in with PPD is a huge cause of this, and I have come along way.  I need to see things from his perspective too.

The other article was on how to become a morning person.  If you know me, you know I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.  If you have ever had to wake me up in the morning and you are not my cell phone, I am sorry for any pain I may have inflicted on you...That is another thing I want to work on, but as you see I have a lot going on here.  I don't want to overwhelm myself.

Playground Safety and the Obesity Epidemic

http://shine.yahoo.com/event/summertimefun/have-playgrounds-become-too-safe-for-kids-2513862/  This article got me wondering if having too safe of playground equipment is what is helping our kids become obese.  One school district banned running on the playground?  Swing and see saws banned due to moving parts.  Don’t these people coming up with these strict playground rules remember playing on the playground as a kid?  I remember swinging, pumping my legs, and propelling myself off the swing to see if I could out fly my friends.   I never got seriously injured.  My two friends did not get injured.  Sometimes you would land hard and have to shake it off, but nothing was broken.

My brother broke his collar bone playing football in elementary school.  The kid who tackled him admitted to intentionally tackling him to hurt him.  My bro did make the TD though :)

It's all in the details...Visualization

Create a Realistic Vision
I haven't posted on Chapter 2's Working It Out from Unlimited, because I am really struggling with my vision.  It feels overwhelming, because there is so much change that needs to happen to create my vision.  I am creating my vision based on the resources I have available to me now.  In my vision is: I am happy, I am active, I am enjoying a healthy lifestyle. 

Be Specific/Feel It/Sense It
I enjoy shopping at stores and buying clothes for myself.  I am active with my family.  I feel like an athlete.  I am happy, content, and well.  I always have a smile on my face and it is not forced.  I have fun in all I do.  We eat as a family and eat healthful foods.  My husband and I realize food is fuel for our bodies.

Get Excited About the Process
I can see myself being happy once I get used to the new lifestyle.  I will have to pump myself up until I get back into habit of the healthy lifestyle.

More on motivation

My husband's favorite quote to me when I am down on myself about my health regime is "JUST DO IT!"  I have been very unmotivated lately.  My brain is fried by time I come home and I just want to veg out.  I do things that are not good for me - mainly sitting on my tush on-line. 

I have a friend who is in awesome shape.  I know it did not happen overnight for her, so why should I expect the same of myself?  She has a blog.  On Tuesdays she has a tip of the day.  Today's tip was to make a plan and stick to it.

I  can come up with plans like you wouldn’t believe.  Carrying them out is another thing.  I plan my meals for the week.  I even write it on the calendar on the fridge.  Rarely, do I stick to it.  I even started putting out my work out schedule on the same calendar.  I have not followed it at all. 

Today I got an e-mail from a dear friend.  She saw something that made her think of me.  It was a quote on a facebook page she likes – Simply Positive.  The quote is, “I can, I will, I am _____”.  The point is to fill in the blank with something positive.  Right now, the best word to fill in the blank for me is motivated.  My mantra for the day is “I can, I will, I am motivated.”  After all, what you think about you bring about.  I will continue to think I am healthy and soon I will be healthy.

Whirlwind vacay

Vacations are a good thing.  Especially, when you can truly relax.  What I find relaxing may be completely different from what you find relaxing.  The painful part of a vacation for me is returning to reality.  I just took a 4 day week end to spend time with my in-laws.  This morning was probably one of the most painful mornings ever.  I did not even have to get my daughters ready, they stayed behind with Amma.  I had a hard time getting out of bed.  I knew this would happen, so I penned in my day planner to run after work.  Besides, Dazie was still at the doggy motel this morning, so I would have felt guilty running without my running partner J

I sat at work struggling to stay awake.  I know deep down that moving will help me with my energy level.   During break I read an article on preventing running injuries.  It was all about stretching!  Two of the injuries I have experienced.  When I read about a new to me stretch that should be done to counter plantar factious, I did it in my office.  After doing toe scrunches, I noticed my energy level climb.  “If moving my toes could make such an improvement, what would a bigger stretch to a bigger area do to my energy level?”  I got down on all fours and did some cat and cow poses.  Not only did it feel good, it dramatically helped my energy level!

I know you are wondering what I did to relax that was so draining.  I ran part of a 5K race (made a wrong turn),  jet ski-ed, went boating, socialized with family, ate, stayed up late, consumed a lot of alcohol, and spent a lot of time in the car on the way home.  There was more too.  There was a bridal shower.  And I can’t forget the 2^nd annual scavenger hunt.  The scavenger hunt took me up and down a boat load of stairs twice, sprinting around my in-laws house, on my hands and knees looking for clues, and to be the first person to find the coveted fish!  My partner was the future bride, and this was her 2^nd year of winning the fish!  I was a sweaty hot mess.

I honestly tried to run tonight.  Things did not work out that way :( My four-legged running buddy isn't feeling well and it is storming.  It gave me an opportunity to do yoga, which I think my body is craving.