I may need a GPS for this

This week I started working on a road map for my journey.  I thought my journey was just about getting exercise and eating healthfully.  In the research I am doing I am finding that it is about so much more.  My original longterm goal was to be healthy, but I need balance too.  I need to find my sense of self.  That has been my biggest frustration the past 3-4 years.  Aftter becoming a mother of two I lost who I was.  Why should I be identified strictly as one of my daughter's mom?  It is fine in daycare, ballet class or school settings.  Things that are about my children.

That is where I got off my course - when I let myself go completely to the three other people in my family.  I am really having a struggle reclaiming myself. 

Now, I need to tackle keeping myself accountable.  Friday is going to be my reporting day.  Tomorrow is my first day.  I am optimistic.  There are things I could do better, but also I put forth more effort than I have since this summer.

Onto my goals for the week.
1. I will strength train 2x this week.
2. I will drink 64 oz of water everyday.
3. I will have fun at the ballet recital.

ROAD map

I didn't really set New Years Resolutions, but I want to get my act together.  I have been combing through all sorts of information on whow to stick to your NYR.  Earlier I posted my vision, goals, obstacles, etc.  I haven't really looked at it since.  I thought I would try a different format - a road map.

Sleep

I have read a lot of studies saying how important sleep is for weightloss.  Today, I had a realization of why that is.  Although, I must admit my findings are not scientific, but make perfect sense to me.  Last night I got 4 hours of sleep.  I love nights where I can sleep 8.  I feel really good after 8 hours of sleep. 

Anyway, the lack of sleep affecting my healthy lifestyle negatively in these ways:
1. I slept through the time I had scheduled for myself to work out :(
2. I kept snacking all day on unhealthy snacks.  My sleep deprived brain gave into my cravings for sweets and carbs. 

I now understand the value of sleep on several different levels.  Now to get my children to understand the value of sleep..

Stuck

I am stuck.  I feel like I am stuck with my lifestyle like getting stuck in the snow with my car.  I try to rock back and forth with hope to get out, but now I am not sure if I am in too deep.  I am in a rut right now where I where I am struggling with motivation and willpower.  I am looking for the kick to get me out.  I am also experiencing some confusing thoughts in regards to diet.

A few weeks ago I met with an endocrinologist.  He told me he wanted me to diet, track calories, blah, blah blah.  I never have had a doctor tell me that before.  I left so frustrated, but I can't get his words off my mind.  He seemed fixated on the fact that I have difficulty losing weight.  I discussed so many more symptoms that were equally if not more concerning and that is the one he gets hung up on.  Douche.  Regardless of my personal opinion of him, I am frustrated with it.

I do not think dieting is the answer.  The answer to me is lifestyle change. I even asked..."what happens when I reach my goal weight or go off the diet?"  I know the answer, but I can't get over the dumbfounded look on his face.  He was so surprised that I asked that.

When I started this post, I was struggling with taking the plunge and going on a diet.  I think I need something more structure and discipline.  I feel that I am lacking the discipline.  I want to be told what to do what to eat.  Tonight, I got really frustrated with trying to create my shopping list for the week.  I really really really want to get back into meal planning, but all the sudden I feel like I don't have the tools to do that.  I looked up recipes and still felt lost.  It didn't help that nothing really sounded good at the time.  UGH.  It could be that I am so congested that I can't think straight. 

So, I am stuck with wondering what to do next.  I am intrigued by two diet plans.  Both have a monetary investment.  Or is there someone out there willing to meal plan for me?  If so, note I am a flexatarian who hates celery.  I will not touch any form of it to my lips. 

Eat is such a crucial thing for survival.  For so many of us food goes on beyond that to a comforting or coping mechanism or it may even be out of boredom.

I am struggling to see if this is true for me which is why I set the goal for myself to record what I eat.  So far I have not done that.  I don't really have a good reason for it, but tomorrow is a new day.  I will put my effort forth on working on my goals. 

Week 1 Goals

I decided I am going to set my goals on Sunday.  It is an overwhelming task, because I feel there is so much to work on.  Awhile ago I took a class through my previous employer where we worked on healthy lifestyle changes.  I am going to use the techniques I learned in the class for the most part - as I have had the most success there.

Here is the format I will use to track my goals for the week.

Start Date: 12/19/10

Weeks go: Sun-Sat

Vision

I am in good physical health and enjoy an active lifestyle that I had before by children were born. I look forward to exercise and eating healthy. I feel comfortable in my body and with who I am

Motivation/Why:

-       I will have energy to play with daughters

-       I will look and a feel good.

3-Month Goals

1)  I will be consistently making good food choices and eating to fuel my body.

2)  Exercise will be a part of my daily routine (within reason)

3) I will be drinking 64 ounces of water daily.

Actions Needed to Reach My Goal

1)     Plan meals and grocery shop weekly

2)     Limit  treats (have 1 cupcake, not 2)

3)     Set up exercise plan and schedule exercise on my calendar

4)     Have a water bottle available

Initial Notes:

-       This behavior change is mostly about physical fitness, not weight (although would like to reach a size 10)

-       Don’t feel like my own person

-       Seeking to find personal identity

Obstacles	Strategies to Overcome
I can’t control the commitment of my family to eat healthy.	I will buy the food I will eat.  I will prepare the food I eat.  If they want something other than what I am providing they will have to provide it themselves.
Time	I will schedule time to exercise and prep food.
Bad Attitude	I will post positive mantras around the house to help reprogram my attitude.

My GOALS for the next week are:                                             Date: 12/19/10

Goal	Confidence	% Complete
I will track everything I put in my mouth 6 out of 7 days.	5
I will exercise for a minimum of 30 minutes 6 out of 7 days.	6
I will spend 15 minutes decluttering 3 days this week	8

Hello, hello, is anybody out there

Hello! 

My life goal has been to live a better life than I did growing up.  I did things in the order I felt right: go to college, get job, get married, have kids.  In 5 years of marriage I we have lived in 3 different cities and have a 4 year old and 3 year old. 

I have been struggling with my weight since the birth of my 2nd child.  I didn't really see it as an issue before that.  Really what was I to expect when I had two children 13 months apart?  The biggest struggle I have is staying motivated.  I go through spurts of being motivated and living well to not wanting to do anything but play around on FaceBook. 

I think keeping a record of the roads I have travelled in this journey.  When I get frustrated I can look back and see my progress or learn from my mistakes.  I feel this forum will help keep me accountable.  I have used SparkPeople in the past, but become overwhelmed by it.

I will try my best not to offend my readers, but I really don't want to use my filter while journalling.  I want to put my honest, thoughts, opinions, struggles, and triumphs out there.  I hope to inspire and challenge you and me when it comes to taking the steps to change my lifestyle for the better. 

I appreciate and welcome any questions or comments you may have.  I believe it will help keep me going - inspire me.  I think it will challenge my thinking and make wiser decisions.  I am interested in all points of view.  Please do not get nasty as I am not an expert.  I am learning and trying to figure out what will work for me.